TaupeOpera

BLOAP#58: Secrets and Lies

Marjorie remembered the first time she met Zamboni, he was her drycleaner's tailor.  She realized he was something special when she noticed how much care he put into altering her hem.  Granted, she was in the skirt at the time and he was naked but pish tosh, he was still a designing natural.  She invested in him and helped him start his company with the express caveat that he keep his couture line a secret until she debuted it at one of her weddings.

The last thing Gwennifer Topez saw before she fell down  the stairs was Marjories grinning face.

BLOAP#57 Gwennifer

Marjorie took her hat off and shook out her hair, she threw the hat to the bellhop standing nearby and walked into the grand foyer of the hotel.  She was fuming, first Tom Kat had the nerve to announce his wedding was on the same day as hers and now this.  Marjorie pulled the telegram out of her purse and squinted, "Gwennifer Topez to wear Zamboni gown to Film Awards."  Marjorie was furious, honestly what does a woman have to do to keep a secret designer in this town?

James looked up and saw Marjorie headed toward Gwennifer Topez like a heat seeking missile.  He took out his phone to call Skye but thought better of it, poor Skye was one banana peel away from a Marjorie meltdown.  James wondered if this wedding was going to be worth the extra amount of health insurance they were going to have to shell out to deal with Marjorie.  Their receptionist had fractured her ankle trying to run away from Marjorie, his assistant had broken his arm carrying load after load of Eastern artifacts and they had replaced the candy in the kitchen with Prozac.  James put his phone back in his jacket pocket, walked out of the foyer and into the bar, checked his watch and said "Double Sapphire martini please."

BLOAP#56: Eye to Eye

Skye looked at the man sitting next to her in the sedan, he was immaculately dressed and had a piercing gaze which was boring a hole through Skye. "It's taken you a long time to call in that favor Skye, I almost thought you forgot."  he said.  Skye looked at him and smiled "I don't believe that for a minute, so can you help me or not."  The man looked at her closely as he slid next to Skye and clasped her in an iron grip, "Let's discuss" 

BLOAP#55: Botox and Bullsh*t

Whitley Dallas looked at her dear friend and wondered if she was on Botox.  She mentally slapped herself, this is how her years of celebrity, fame, and misfortune had affected her.  In Follywould everyone was a whiz at discussing the same intellectual factoid be it global adoption, Fox news or EColi while they were pondering the extra pounds or Botoxed brow of everyone near them.    When they were kids Zora, Whitley and Skye were like three peas in  a pod.  Whitley was the bold one, Zora was the brilliant planner and Skye, well Skye was the smart one with a weakness for shoes. 

In the third grade Whitley got into trouble for sneaking into the headmistresses office and stealing her secret stash of chocolate.  She was quickly found out and punished by becoming the youngest member of the school's cleaning crew.  Zora and Skye promptly got into trouble too, so they could clean together.  Whitley never forgot that kindness throughout her celebrated career of dealing with liars, sycophants and power brokers.  The three of them had kept each others secrets for years, Whitley wondered if she could trust them with her biggest secret yet.

Zora looked at Whitley and said "So, I want to know is it true that you sleep with a boa constrictor?"

BLOAP#54: Cloak and Chocolate

Skye waited outside the restaurant in the rain cursing.  She was cursing her stupidity at not bringing an umbrella and cursing the cloak and dagger idiocy of her plan.  What's the use of standing outside a restaurant, wet, shivering and feeling like a drowned mouse when one could be inside, dry, comfortable and snacking.

A dark sedan pulled up to the curb and a man in a trenchcoat, hat, glasses and umbrella got out.  He walked straight up to Skye and said "Come with me."  Quicker than a skirt coming off at prom night Skye was shuffled into the car and whisked away.

Zora looked at Whitley who was on her second chocolate mousse and said "Well, for a washed up, pill popping, hissy fit throwing, hasbian you sure can put away some dessert!"

BLOAP#53: Houston we have a problem

Zora looked at her friend across the table and shook her head.  Whitley Dallas, the infamous, singer, songwriter and bon vivant looked like death on a stick.  Whitley's eyes were red, her shoulders skeletal , her hair thin and she looked like she'd finally given up on that pesky eating habit.  Zora sighed, her old friend had been crucified in the press, her alleged vitamin abuse, her alleged lesbian affairs, her histrionic behavior topped off by the very public demise of her marriage to music icon Tommy Tan.  Hell it was enough to try Mother Theresa's patience.

"Here honey eat something, you look like a stiff breeze will carry you away." Zora said as she pushed a buttered roll at her old friend.  Whitley laughed, "Baby, you sure ain't from Follywould, bread is a felony and hell bread with butter on it is a capital offense!"  Zora laughed too "Well, fart Follywould, where all the men are plastic and all the women are hungry, heck if I wanted all that drama I would have stayed in high school"

BLOAP#52 Cruise Control

Skye looked at Marjorie and laughed, "What exactly do you want me to do?  I can't stop two celebrities from getting married on the same day you are   Marjorie.  If Tom Kat and Cady Tomes get hitched on the same day as you, what's the big deal?"  Marjorie slowly stood up and placed her empty martini glass and the desk with such force that the stem shattered.  "My wedding will not play second fiddle to a toothy overgrown teenager and his child bride.  Fix this or as Probate Court is my witness, I will make your life a living hell!"  Marjorie hissed as she stomped out of Skye's office and slammed the door.

Skye leaned back in her chair and shook her head, "Make my life a living hell, puhleeze, you already have!"  Skye picked up her phone and dialed, "Hey, it's Skye remember that favor you owe me, I'm cashing it in."

The man almost missed Marjorie's  exit from the wedding planner, he was so busy staring at the picture of her in a magazine.  He lovingly stroked the picture and kissed it as he started his car and followed Marjorie's limo.

BLOAP#51: From Soup to Sex

Addie opened her mouth to scream again when she realized that she recognized her intruder, it was Sky Chef aka Jamie.  "What the hell are you doing in my house?" Addie yelled as Jaime came out of her kitchen wiping his hands on an apron, where did he find an apron, did she own an apron?  He came up to her, took her bag and handed her a shot glass filled with brown liquid, she downed  it in one swallow and started sputtering.  "It's soup," she coughed.  Jamie laughed "Actually it's gumbo, I'm making you gumbo and you'll have a ton for leftovers since you need something in that refrigerator to keep the lemon and the curdled milk company.

Addie took her jacket off and kicked off her shoes, "The milk is not curdled, I'm making yogurt and the lemon keeps the fridge smelling fresh.  You didn't answer me, how did you get in here?"  Jamie started chopping vegetables, "Your neighbor Mrs. Nagging, let me in, I was sitting on your stoop with a bag of groceries and she felt sorry for me.  She said she'd seen me leaving several mornings in a row and thought I should have a key by now.  I told her that I was going to make you dinner and she said that I could have a key to her house immediately.  I like her, she's a cute old lady, I'm making her a loaf of bread to go with her gumbo" 

Addie's head was spinning, she had lived next to Mrs. Nagging for seven years and had never had that long a conversation with her.  Gumbo, bread, crochety nosy neighbors, this was turning into an episode of the Young and the Senseless.  Jamie looked up at Addie and shook his head, she was so sexy she was  hard as nails, afraid of heights, hesitant to new foods, and sexy as hell.  He was crazy for her, he knew it, his therapist knew it, hell even Mrs. Nagging probably knew it.  If this kept up, he was going to have to tell her his little secret, but not yet.

BLOAP#50 An American in Paris

Skye walked into her office to find Marjorie drinking a martini behind her desk.  She should never have flipped a coin with James, she sucked at coin calling, rock, paper, scissors was her bag.  Now she was the  one dealing with Marjorie's latest crisis and James was having lunch with Raj.  She was so depressed that even the thought of buying shoes didn't cheer her up.

Marjorie pinned Skye with a glacial glare and threw something at her.  It was a newspaper with an article circled over and over in red ink.  Tom Booze and Cady Tomes to marry!  Marjorie got up and stalked over to the chair where Skye was sitting without spilling a drop of martini "How are you going to fix this?" she hissed. 

Will closed his eyes and leaned back.  Was there anything better than a bath? Will wondered, especially when you've got tar and feathers to unstick.  Will opened his eyes and looked at the two women who  were helping him untar and feather, and silently said a prayer of thanks to Paris Sheraton.

Addie walked into her house and screamed.

BLOAP #45: Naked News

Addie sighed as she sat on the bar stool, Harding took one look at her and poured her a cup of coffee and a shot of Jamesons.  "Honey, you look like you've been negotiating the prenup for Ronald Terelman's next marriage.  What's up?" Harding said as he watched Addie dump her shot in her coffee and take a long sip.  "Harding, someone sent me pictures of naked body parts today."  Harding raised an eyebrow, shook his head and poured himself a shot of Jamesons, "Just answer me this, were there any eyes in the sets of pictures?" Addie started choking, Harding got her a glass of water, "We need to talk"

Will opened his eyes and prayed that the throbbing in his head would stop.  He tried to stand up but his head exploded whenever he moved around so he stayed seated.  He was in a dark room that smelled of smoke, where the hell could he be?  Smoking was banned everywhere these days, you had more luck finding a politician sleeping with his wife than finding a cigarette.  He had to get up and get out, who knows what the diminutive death squad had in store for him.  He managed to stand and move a few feet when his whole world exploded.  A million lights went on and Will thought he was going blind.  He covered his eyes and looked out and said, "Oh hell no!"